Everyone But Me Is An Idiot: a play

Act 1, scene i.

A busy office. Our Heroine is trying desperately to keep up with her new work and simultaneously deal with issues that keep arising on older business. She's growing increasingly stressed and anxious, as well as cranky.

The telephone rings.

Heroine: (standard long cheesy greeting)
Other Company Rep: Yeah, hi. I need to know why you haven't paid us back for this file.
Heroine: Okay, well can I have the reference number so I can try to help you out?
OCR: Oh.. yeah... hold on.

(OCR mumbles to herself and shuffles paperwork while Our Heroine's mind starts to wander to the *important* business she could be taking care of right now.)

OCR: Here it is. (Rattles off reference number very quickly.) Now I need to know what is going on. Why weren't we paid?
Heroine: Well, it looks like we didn't pay you because we have already paid the vendor.
OCR: What? But WE paid the vendor! We need to be reimbursed.
Heroine: Well, we can't reimburse you because we already made a payment... directly to the vendor.
OCR: We paid the vendor on 5/4.
Heroine: Yes, I see we got your request for reimbursement on 5/07. However, we had already paid the vendor on 3/30. They must have billed you in error.
OCR: What day did you pay them?
Heroine: 3/30/09.
OCR: (angrily) Yeah, excuse me, but why in the world would you pay them on 3/30 if you got my reimbursement request on 5/7????
Heroine: Hm.... well... maybe because 5/07 is AFTER 3/30? We made the payment first.

Pause.

Pause.

OCR: Oh.

(OCR quickly hangs up)

Heroine: (far too loud for professional environment) Fucking retard.

*** end scene ***